Buffet…
Okay, so it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything because I basically have no life right now. I’ll try to explain…
Have you ever stood in line at a buffet looking at all the yummy food and can’t decide what you want because it all looks so good, so you take a little of all of it??? Well basically that’s what my life is like right now. I have taken on some things that all are really good and important things… taking a class, more responsibility at church, helping my mom sell her house, two bible studies, teaching and trying to be a good mom and wife to my family and it feels like I’ve overfilled my dish. I want to do and be involved in everything I have committed to and for some that may not be too much, but for me the plate is too full.
All this “stuff” has made me sooooo tired. I’m tired of feeling upset, frustrated, inadequate, stressed, anxious and just tired of being TIRED!! I know God does not give us more than we can handle, but to be honest sometimes I feel like I’ve had enough! It’s like I’m being pulled in all these different directions and I’m finding it hard to divide my time up so that each “thing” that needs to be done gets done. I’m working hard to be good at everything I’ve taken on, but sometimes things don’t get done, or something slips and I hate that. I hate feeling like I’m not doing my best. But, everything that’s on my plate I feel very responsible for and cannot “dump it.”
So, for now I’ll sit here eating away little by little until it’s all gone. I know there is an end in sight to the craziness and am counting the days until June…when I will say goodbye to those pesky, yet adorable little 6 year olds that hopefully I’ve had some kind of positive influence on. And all the reflections upon reflections upon lesson plans upon reflections will be all tied up in a pretty little package and given to the course instructor who will probably not spend more than 1/100th of the time I took preparing it…and my mom’s house will hopefully soon have a sold sign on a painted wooden pole in her front lawn…and my two enlightening, yet time consuming bible studies will soon come to a close as the summer months approach…
So at times it has seemed that “I have bitten off more than I can chew”, or “there’s too much on my plate”, or “I’ve got too much junk in my trunk” (oh, wait that’s something else) anyway, you get the picture. Maybe God is expanding what I am capable of handling. That seems just like something he would do.
Well so long for now. Thanks for reading 
Sorry for the rambling…
Long lost friend…
I was looking through some stuff in my closet and came across my guitar that I haven’t touched in over 10 years. So… I got it out and started trying to play it. It was missing a string, so that made it kind of difficult. After an hour of playing on an untuned guitar with a missing string I decided it might be worth it to take it in and get the string replaced and have it tuned.
I was a little embarassed taking it in because I had neglected it for so long and couldn’t remember how to restring and tune it. As I entered the store, the girl at the desk was trying to tell me to check in my guitar. I didn’t think she was talking to me, so some other guys came over and started saying Mam! Mam! You need to check in your guitar. I was totally clueless! I hadn’t stepped foot in a guitar store in quite a while. I guess things have changed. The guitar guy was sooo nice. He told me what a nice guitar I had and strung up a new string and tuned it for me all for free!! He played it a little and reminded me how to keep it tuned. I was so excited to take it home and start playing. It was like a long lost friend that I had wanted to stay in touch with but never took the time… So, all last night I practiced, and a little this morning. My fingers are sooooo sore!
It seems strange that I hadn’t paid any attention to my guitar in so long. I first started playing right before I met Scott. ( I even found a few songs I wrote about him back when we were first dating!) I guess I started getting caught up with our relationship and spending time with Scott that I eventually stopped playing. Then college, work and Jada came along and I sort of forgot that I even played.
Oh well, she’s back in town and the memories and feelings have all come rushing back (although the actual playing will take some practice). HA HA HA! I love my guitar!
Perspective
So, my life has been a little hectic lately and so I haven’t posted anything for awhile. Over the last month a lot of things have come up in my life that have distracted me from what is most important from my life. It became apparent to me this past Sunday as I helped out a little in one of the 5th and 6th grade Sunday school classes. The lesson was on the Holy Spirit and that when we have the Holy Spirit living in us, it gives us power. The teacher did a great job illustrating that today we can get so distracted by other things that we forget and often times don’t know what to do with the gift that God has given us. Also, the sermon was on what our “story” is regarding why we are so excited about church or God. Basically, if someone came up to you that was not a Christ follower and asked, “Why are you so excited/involved in church/God?” So, our homework was to come up with a short story of how God has impacted our lives that has made our life different than it was before. I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
Okay I’m going to back up a little. I have always felt that my mission field was in the public schools. I’ve taught for 5 years and have felt that God has been able to use me and the Holy Spirit has given me the power to do what God intended me to do in the schools that I have worked at. Lately, some things have come up that have rocked my world (career). I’m learning that God may be leading me down another path. Things at work have suddenly seemed strange and I have felt disconnected. I don’t want to go into details, but I feel that I have stood up for what I believe in and that has led to some awkward moments between some people at work. Furthermore, I feel like everything that happened may be because God is leading me down a different path and opening my eyes to what I am capable of with the Holy Spirit working through me. This all sounds so deep. But, really it isn’t…
So… my perspective has changed some regarding my purpose in my career and I have also realized that what I love most about my job right now is that it is half time. And that allows me to be with my daughter and husband who are most important to me.
Here’s Jada outside Build-A-Bear. Isn’t she cute???
Dad
So, it’s the 2 year anniversary of my dad’s death. I hate saying that though because he didn’t experience death,(separation from Christ) but was ushered up to heaven in the presence of Jesus. So death doesn’t fit what my dad is experiencing. Anyway, I thought I would reserve a spot for my dad on this blog to write about memories, thoughts, and things I am dealing with still even two years later.
Have you ever gone a long time without crying? I was just realizing that I had not cried in a really long time until this Christmas. I guess I cried so much right after my dad died that I just couldn’t cry anymore. That sounds kind of cheesy but it’s how I feel. I don’t know it’s weird. For Christmas I asked for a new bible. So, Christmas eve night (with my side of the family) I opened up what looked like a bible case which I was expecting to find a new bible inside of. My mom had instead put my dad’s bible in it. It has his name on it and it’s brown. I cried right when I saw it. (right now I have a huge lump in my throat, yet no tears will come out…weird). It’s like I reserve my raw emotions and save them up until something really gets me by surprise and I break down. I don’t understand why I’m like that. Sometimes I wish I was more emotional, but I can’t bring myself to be that way.
So back to my dad. I have had such peace knowing that my dad is relaxing in heaven and experiencing the presence of Jesus. Knowing he’s there makes me look forward all the more to going there myself someday.
I think a lot about heaven and what it’s like. My dad was reading the book, “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn right before her died. He never finished it. I guess he didn’t need to though since he’s there now. I want to read it, but haven’t had the courge to yet. I don’t know why.
Ever since my dad passed away our family hasn’t been quite right. I don’t know if any family really is, but it’s like there’s this huge gaping hole that whenever we get together we try to fill with gifts, jokes, food, and just stuff. Maybe that’s okay though. We’re still putting the pieces all back together. We’ve stuck by each-other even though there’s been some awkward moments, confrontations and even arguments about certain issues. I’m the “tell it like it is” person of the family. If I feel very strongly about something, I’m going to let you know about it (of course hoping in the long run it is for the greater good). Sometimes though I should probably keep my mouth shut. I’m trying to use better judgement in that area.
So, I feel like people probably think that my dad passing away was long enough ago that it’s just not an issue anymore. I still to this day have days where all I want to do is just cry and all I can think about is that night that he died. I feel like I should be past it and be able to be happy for my dad that he’s in heaven (which I am) but I miss him sooooo much and wish he could see the big girl Jada is becoming and all the things she can do now. He would be so proud. A lot of times I imagine that he is watching from heaven and I can so clearly picture his reactions to some of the things Jada does. He would love the way she runs around and jumps off the couch and that she likes to go to basketball games and that she isn’t a girly girl and that she loves popcorn (just like he did) and so many other things….
Anyway, today is a hard day. I don’t feel very good. I don’t know if I’m getting sick, or if it’s because I’m thinking about my dad a lot. So, if your reading I would appreciate a prayer.
Dayda & Katewyn
Jada and Kate have become such good little friends. We had the Roupp kids over the other day and they got to play all day. It was a lot of fun. Jada thinks Tyson is sooo cool. The girls (Jada & Kate) usually follow Tyson around everywhere and play whatever he is playing. But… this day they decided to go play on their own. As they headed upstairs Jada is saying to Kate,” Comin’ Katewyn?” and Kate answers, “I comin’ Dayda!” They repeated this dialogue all day.
Jada and Kate used to have a big problem with sharing (actually still do a little) but when I went upstairs to check on them they were sitting at the coloring table reading books together, then they proceeded to try to do the sit n’ spin together. Jada could barely stay on because she was laughing so hard!
It’s so cute to see their little personalities come out. Kate is good for Jada because she gets Jada to do things that she normally wouldn’t try on her own. I’m so glad she has such good little friends.
We are thankful that God gave us such great friends too.
Daddy & Jada
Scott is such a good daddy. As I sit here blogging he is giving Jada a bath. Not too long ago he was afraid to bathe her and would refuse to get involved. Lately he has become very brave and has taken on giving Jada a bath every now and then. Her bathing has become very exciting. Rarely do I leave her bathroom after a bath session without being totally soaked with water. She loves her bath and has convinced herself that she is a jellyfish swimming in the water.
Not only does Scott give Jada baths now, I also caught him drying her hair (well atleast attempting) he was working so hard to coordinate the whole event I couldn’t help but sneak a picture and laugh silently as he struggled. (I guess he’s never used a hairdryer before).
Sometimes a feel like I’m not as good of a parent as Scott. He handles Jada and work a lot better than I do. After the days I work I’m so tired that I don’t have the energy to do the things I want to or should be doing with Jada. I feel so guilty!! I spend all my day putting so much energy into other peoples kids (5 & 6 year olds)that when I get home I don’t have the energy to interact with Jada like I want to. 
Some days I don’t even want to listen to anybody talking. That sounds weird… but anyway it’s like my ears have been overloaded with sound (talking, screaming, crying, singing, etc, etc, etc…) that I just can’t take anymore by the time I get home. Don’t get me wrong I love working with kids… but it takes a lot out of me I guess is what I am trying to say.
Besides I’m used to teaching older kids (10 & 11 year olds). They don’t require as much attention all together as the kindies do. That’s a whole separate issue that maybe I will address at a later time. For those of you who don’t know me that well, I started teaching kindergarten this year which I have never taught before. Previously I taught 4th and 5th grade. HUGE DIFFERENCE!! Well I need to go spend time with my family so I will write on that issue another time.
Woo Hoo!
I figured it out! Okay maybe I’m back on the blogging band wagon.
ARGHHH!
Okay, so I am a total retard! I cannot figure out my stupid blog. I thought I was pretty good with technology but I am apparently blog impaired!!!! I am so frustrated I don’t even want a blog anymore! I would ask my husband for help but he makes fun of me for even having a blog. I can’t get any of my categories or blogroll to show up on my blog page. I am going to try to post this and then categorize it and see if that works. UHHHHHHHH! Whatever…
Best friends
My best friend Kelsey is so special to me. I thought I’d take the time to write a little bit about what her friendship means to me. We have known each other for over 20 years and most people think we are sisters or actually twins (which I take as a huge compliment). She has stood by me through thick and thin! (bad boyfriends, family drama, my dad’s passing, marriage, having babies, etc, etc, etc.) I feel like I can tell her anything and she will still be my friend. I don’t know why but our relationship has always been so strong and nothing has ever made us too upset or mad at each other to make us drift apart. I know I’ve probably made her mad enough times for her to stop being my best friend, but she never lets me know about it.
People make fun of us because we always do everything together including the big life change stuff like getting married, having kids, moving to a new neighborhood, even getting our driver’s licenses at the same time when we were in high school. I think we annoy some people because they think we’re together too much, but I don’t really care. As Anne would say from, “Anne of Green Gables,” she’s my “bosom buddy.” (ha ha ha!) I think that book/movie is a little corny myself, but that’s just my opinion. Anyway the point is, well I guess it’s really hard to express just what I’m trying to say. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have Kels. She laughs at my jokes when others don’t quite think it’s that funny, understands and listens to all of my issues, gets how I feel when people ignore what I say , relates to my introvertedness that some people mistake as unfriendliness and understands the stresses of being a working mommy and dealing with childcare. Oh yeah, that’s a big one. Kels has watched Jada every Thursday since she was 1. They’ve formed quite the little bond. I think it’s sooo cute how Jada calls her Dachees and tells her, “Dachees hold you.” I know Jada hasn’t been the easiest at times, and has had one too many nasty diapers (she went through a BAD diarreah(sp?) stage), but Kelsey has always welcomed Jada, good times and bad. Thanks for that Kels.
Well anyway, I guess I am just thankful that God has allowed me to have such a special friend and hope she knows how much I love and appreciate her.
